My Metaphorical Reflections on Transformational Coaching

While halfway through the journey of our life

I found myself lost in a darkened forest,

for I had wandered off from the straight path.

How hard it is to tell what it was like,

this wood of wilderness, stubborn, so savage,

that just the thought of it renews my fear

~Dante, Divine Comedy (1308-20)

The Coaching Space

Entering the coaching space is like being in a cosy tent, alone with the coachee who is lost in the middle of a thick dark forest. In that isolated yet safe space, lies an opportunity for the coach to build rapport and intimacy in discovering the coachee’s deep pains, fears and hopes.

The peaceful ambience shuts out the senses from distractions to be fully present and attentively listening to the conversation in a state of mindfulness. Suspending judgment and being curious, a coach seeks to gain a deep understanding of the coachee by establishing trust and mutual respect. These are the foundations of coaching that seeks to transform.

 

What Transformational Coaching does is deconstruct their accepted mindset in order to facilitate change and also reconstruct a new mindset that maintains the desired change.

 

The Coach's Backpack

If you are stuck in a forest as the night is falling, rangers would advise against wandering in the dark, getting disorientated and tiring yourself. Instead, find an open space and be visible, look around for water and food as well as make shelter and fire to survive the night. Then, work out your options and only move out in daylight. 

Similarly, the coachee may be disorientated by the external environment such as listening to discouraging words, having negative friends, bad experiences as well as from internal emotions such as negative self-talk, limiting beliefs and fear of failure. Being "stuck" in the present and not able to see what's ahead of them, they should not just jump into deciding on solutions to their problems. They should only plan the way forward after appreciating the current reality with clarity of mind. 

The coach should also not be drawn into the coachee's instinctive goal "to find a way out of the forest as fast as possible". As they face the new unknown reality, the ensuing fears can trigger an amygdala hijack that can cause them to become reactive, unable to think rationally and make wrong decisions. There are tools in the coach's "backpack" that can effectively overcome these psychological states.

1. Reframing, a technique that originated from Psychotherapy can be used to help coachees see, feel or think about things in a new light or to see the "forest from the trees".  It can help uncover blind spots and overcome cognitive distortions (warped thinking). For instance, a manager may have a goal to train employees but is worried that they may leave after being trained. However, it will be worst if they are not trained and stayed (context reframing). When a crisis strikes, it is usual to react emotionally based on old thought patterns. However, the meaning of the crisis can be adjusted as an opportunity for growth and positive change (content reframing). 

2. Using direct communication such as metaphors works well to "tell it like it is" without causing the coachee to feel they are being judged or criticised. This is because a metaphor creates a visual image that paints a picture as an "observation" instead of "telling" from a personal viewpoint. When they objectively observe how information is coming across, there is no right or wrong or attaching to the person. This technique is useful especially when the level of rapport is not yet established, unlike reframing which needs the coach to encourage looking at the opposite and different viewpoints which may be misunderstood as being argumentative and threatening.

3. Another technique is asking thought-provoking questions which redirect the coachee away from habitual emotions toward self-reflection, creativity and thinking outside the box. They prime neural circuits to look for new information instead of defaulting to the usual and overused thought patterns to eventually replace self-limiting habits with productive ones.

When applied correctly, the above techniques prepare the coachee to be driven for mindset change. What Transformational Coaching does is deconstruct their accepted mindset in order to facilitate change and also reconstruct a new mindset that maintains the desired change. 

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

Albert Einstein

Wander around, but not in a square

Instead of walking in circles ending at the same place exhausted in trying to get out of the woods (pun intended), the coachee is encouraged by the coach to be courageous but thoughtful in trying the different options. Although Albert Einstein had said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”,  it is easier said than done as to do things differently is naturally uncomfortable and risky. 

It is through an awareness of the environment that the coachee is able to see the whole extent of the "forest" and has a better chance of "getting out of the woods" (pun intended). By wandering off his vision to explore the forest in the distance from the shelter, looking up at the top of the trees from the bottom of the forest, he gains mental and emotional awareness- seeing, hearing and feeling the larger space, looking for patterns or signs that show a way out of the forest and to freedom. 

Self-awareness is the shift of attention from external factors to oneself. This is a level above awareness, as it comes with the capability of manipulating the environment in one's favour. When the coachee has the awareness of (inner) narratives and (external) behaviour, it enables them to separate the stories from themselves, expands their views and provides them with an opportunity to adjust their perspective to see things more optimistically. There is ample evidence to suggest that creativity and innovation are tied to optimism. 

By thinking out of the box and unlocking their creativity, the coachee will have a better chance of finding a way out and achieving his goals. With this new awareness, despite being lost in an unknown and impenetrable space, the coachee will develop a Growth Mindset of seeing the difficulty of being stuck in the forest as an adventure or an opportunity to get a quiet time and peaceful moment for oneself.

              

“God placed the best things in life on the other side of fear”

Will Smith

Tending the Mind Garden

Will Smith said, "The point of maximum danger is also the point of minimum fear"- when he experienced Zero-Fear within a second after jumping off the plane during his first sky-diving experience despite his fear of heights. At that point of no-turning-back, he overcame the fear which could no longer stop him from doing what before seemed insurmountable. He also intuitively said, “God placed the best things in life on the other side of fear”.

While fear and anxiety are our body's natural response to danger, they can also be self-created, such as the fear of rejection, being out of control, being different or being a failure. Some people may have the "fear (and guilt) of success" or what is known as the Imposter Phenomenon (IP) or Imposter Syndrome - the fear that one's achievements are undeserved and may likely be exposed as a fraud. The fear of failure, paradoxically, has also been found as an underlying motive of "Imposters". There is empirical evidence to show that coaching and mentoring are effective in reducing the IP. 

Whatever the kind of fear, it usually results in low self-confidence that prevents one from moving forward. A coach's job is to listen and engage in powerful questioning that digs deeper into the coachee's beliefs, values and thoughts in order to gain clarity around the fear that is making them stuck (refer to another post). One way to get past fear is to recognise it, name it, know the possible negative or positive outcomes from it, narrate successful moments of overcoming fear unscathed and commit to whatever needs to be done to get past it. A transformation coach would encourage and support the coachee to develop a Growth Mindset and to treat failure as a stepping stone to greater things. 

Wholly accepting the coachee as they are, being unique and special, is so important because the fundamental root of coaching is to first focus on the person before the problems, goals, solutions, performance and results.

Person-first

For coaching to be transformative, the journey will be anything but a straight line. It will be an uncomfortable process of change that does not contain rules, rather unpredictable and can be messy. Like the analogy of trying to get out of the thick dark jungle, the path between the current reality and the coachee’s vision of the future is going to be full of challenges and unknowns. There will be innumerable turns depending on what is known, what is emerging and expectations of what the best outcome should be.

To overcome the state of uncertainty and because "what gets measured, gets done", the coachee is encouraged to plan the steps carefully in Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound stages (SMART) to enable the results to be measured and the coachee to be accountable. 

Nevertheless, success is also largely dependent on the relationship not only being supportive but a trusting one where the coach shows unconditional positive regard. According to Humanistic Psychologist Carl Rogers, for a person to grow internally they need an environment that provides them not only Genuineness (openness and self-disclosure) and Empathy (being listened to and understood) but also Acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard). Rogers believed that every person could achieve their goals and desires in life to reach self-actualization and people who are able to self-actualize are more likely to have received unconditional regard from others. Wholly accepting the coachee as they are, being unique and special, is so important because the fundamental of coaching is to first focus on the person before the problems, goals, solutions, performance and results.

     

The Man in the Mirror

A transformation coach is one who mirrors the coachee. Through mirroring body language, the coachee will feel the comfort and intimacy to reveal his inner self to the coach as a confidant. Also, by displaying non-judgemental, non-threatening communication and behavioural cues as well as attentive listening, the coach exudes genuine empathy which would generate in the coachee the feeling of being understood such that they are willing to be completely open and honest with the coach.

In another sense, a coach is one who provides a mirror for the coachee to find answers to his own questions, unjudged by the values, thoughts, and views of the coach. A coach's job is not to be an expert that has all the answers. When the coachee sees who he really is, free from the desires of others, it becomes much easier for him to figure out where he would like to go, what he would like to do, and which paths would hold the greatest fulfilment and meaning. 

With a coach by the side, one is able to see beyond the immediate issues and gain a clearer and deeper perspective on problems.

Deep Dive

Many people face difficulty in overcoming obstacles by themselves, without professional help. Other than one's limiting beliefs, behaviour patterns (habits) and past failures may inadvertently prevent one from realizing hidden barriers and potential for change. A coach can help others to learn deeper about themselves than they on their own can and co-create transformative solutions to achieve the desired outcomes.

With a coach by the side, one is able to see beyond the immediate issues and gain a clearer and deeper perspective on problems. A coach will explore deeply together with the coachee the What? Who? Where? When? Why? How? (6 Ws) through powerful questioning to break the mundane thought patterns and empowering the coachee to come up with his own answers, solutions, goals and plans in achieving them.

A coach helps the coachee to take a step back and look at his entire situation, not just the exterior or immediate ones. He helps the coachee to confidently stretch the boundaries of their comfort zone and take risks beyond the usual and familiar actions, yet being in touch with what is realistic and achievable. 

As working outside the comfort zone is naturally challenging, the coach carefully gauges the confidence level of the coachee and helps specify appropriate goals and actions for which he is to be held accountable, gently pushing the coachee along the way to kick up a notch and take some additional risks. 

Whatever the coachee brings, whether a question, a dream or a desire, the coach supports them to move him from Clarity (beliefs and values) to Alignment (of attitudes and capabilities), then Action and finally Result (refer to the CAAR Framework).

Like the beautiful transformation of a butterfly from a caterpillar, they don't just look different - they behave differently, too. 

The Metamorphosis

Successful human transformation starts with intrinsic motivation or a "pull from within" that results in a permanent change in mindset, outlook, habits and behaviour. It is a complex and tough process, like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar. After consuming 27,000 times its body weight in its lifetime, it transforms into a butterfly that not only looks different but behaves differently too. The process is in essence: 1) Leaving the known and comfortable; 2) Incubation and dissolution of self; 3) Emergence of the transformed.

Most of all, a coachee who has grown out of the protective layers of the transformational coaching "cocoon", will do things out of sheer internal enjoyment with the spirit of exploration, learning, and self-actualization. Like butterflies, they are able to live and fly independently and gracefully into the forest of life.